The great unknown.

The pursuit of God is the whole purpose of life.

What is the social norm of being in this country?
Having a degree, getting a good job, buying a house and even a car, then getting married.

It became normal, because that is what everyone is seeking after, somehow or rather. Whether is it our plan to fit in to this culture or not, we got pushed in by the current of the sea. It became normal, because all we wanted to do, was to be alive, to breathe and to be happy. And even knowing that despite having all this things would not make us happy, we still chased after it. Even knowing despite searching for this all our life, we might not be happy, we still wanted to try.

I was somehow in this wave. Having job stability, and having a certificate. Trying to fit into the social norm, or trying to fit into the expectations of what my parents had for me. Trying to be who everyone expects me to be. Those people that said they knew me, and knew what great future I would have. But how can anyone say that they know me, even before I know who I am. I was struggling to fit into the expectations of what everyone had of me, brushing away every single thought of my own. When people said I was ‘crazy’ for having such a thought, I thought to myself, that maybe I am really just weird, so no one could understand me.

Recently, I really felt like I have been trying a little too hard, to be normal, to fit in with people around me. Yet I lost my identity. I count myself blessed to be having a pretty house, nice clothes, good food and also all the electronics devices, but such things never made me happy. Vanity, thats what they said. All of this things that we have, but when we chased down to what really matters, all this don’t. My heart is never for such things. All this things paper thin and paper frail, and we grew up chasing after them, losing our soul in the process of it. My heart, is where He is. I once was afraid of disappointing people, but now, I am afraid of disappointing God.

You kept calling me out into the great unknown. You called me out of this world. You kept knocking at the doors of my heart. You made me different. You called me into the waves, and still You never let me go. I spent nights after nights, searching for You, longing for You. Crying out to You and searching for my identity in You, to know my footing in You. And Jesus, You never failed. You held on to me, and embrace me. You reminded me of what I wanted.

When I decided to signed up for something that has been in my heart for the past 6 years, I know that the road ahead is going to get steep. When I decided to step out of this social norm, knowing that even if no one understands me, I would still have You, it was enough for me. Father, where You are, is where I want to be. I was ready to let go of things that stopped me from going into the waves, because Champion of Heaven, He had made me brave.

I know that God, if You called me out, Your hands would have kept me safe. I am scared, truly scared of what is going to happen in the 4 months, but I am even more afraid of not knowing what God has called me to do. I am afraid of the surroundings there, but I am even more afraid of being left out in God’s plan. I am afraid of the pain I have to witness, but I am more afraid of not having the chance to show that someone cares, and showing the love of God. I am afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone again, but I am even more afraid of missing out the chance to share the good news. And this will remain the cry of my heart, to be in a pursuit of You. Doing what You called me to do, being perfectly myself in You. If we are the last generation that is going to live, then this is how I will live for You.

If You made me different, and made this the cry of my heart. Then where You are, is where i will be.