thankful days

Counting down to the last 45days of the year. Reading the news articles, and reflecting on the many tragedies that had repeatedly happened over the months before us. There’s really so much that I could be thankful for, reminding myself of the protection, grace and peace that God has placed within me and those I loved. Knowing that every step of the way, it was compelled by God’s grace. I’m thankful.

Here’s just an attempt to write down the 50 things that I really thank God for in the past year of living in the constant state of thanksgiving.


4.

‘encourage’ = to ‘Add courage’.

The very much needed courage that I need in my life. The courage to love, and the courage to be love back. The courage to accept the things that I could not have change, and the courage to stay at this course. The courage to admit the affection I had towards someone.

Perhaps, it has always been easier to deny my feelings, my thoughts. Because how many time did it happen that when we are growing up, that I had to face a couple quarrel, a family divorce. And how many times had I seen people who promised love to one another, gave up on one another in the end. I wanted to know of love, yet I never managed to be brave enough, to put myself out there, to experience it and grow strong in it.

I thank God that over this year, I have gain that courage. The courage to be vulnerable to people, the courage to love, and the courage to be able to trust and accept the love of others. It has not been an easy journey. But He made it better.

Advertisements

thankful days 

Counting down to the last 45days of the year. Reading the news articles, and reflecting on the many tragedies that had repeatedly happened over the months before us. There’s really so much that I could be thankful for, reminding myself of the protection, grace and peace that God has placed within me and those I loved. Knowing that every step of the way, it was compelled by God’s grace. I’m thankful.

Here’s just an attempt to write down the 50 things that I really thank God for in the past year of living in the constant state of thanksgiving.


1.
” If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph”📷.

Beyond words and emotions, reasoning and logic, I’ve always loved how God places people from different background and character together. Everyone is an artwork, and we are placed together as God’s masterpiece. As such, knowing we are called by God, with a different purpose, struggles and call, I am thankful that I am still running this race of life with my trench buds.

#50thankfuldays

The crown He wore.

The one who wants to wear the crown must bear its weight.

It didn’t matter how high I could get in the cities of this world, what clouds I could roam. All I ever wanted was to be at the top of God’s world. Whatever seems foolish to man, as long as it could be pleasing to God, I was okay. I wanted nothing more than to be at the peak of God’s world, with all whom I hold dearly in my heart. And that was enough for me. The crown that I was willing to bear at all cost, was the crown of life. As Christ has given me life, I wanted nothing more than to be in God’s handcrafted world. The world that Christ has carved out for me, with the people I hold dear. I was ready to bear the weight of this crown at all cost.

It did not matter what richness the world could give me. I am nothing but a steward of possessions. All I wanted was to give my life, serving the people of God. Giving my love, and my best to all the people around me. Just as how God send His only son to the world, to bear the weight of my sin. For someone as undeserving as me. He bore the crown of thorns for my sins so that I do not need to bear the weight that was too heavy for me. He took it all away. That alone could satisfy my heart. Loving people around me, and giving my best to the ones who had been there, and to the many others who need God.

The sudden realization of how fast time is running out, and every single day just gets shorter. The times that I ran after worldly possession, looking for acceptance in friendships, wanting to be someone who was not in God’s plans, wanting to bear the weight of the crown that was not for me. The weight that eventually got too heavy, and suffocated me for the longest time when I was growing up. Yet not knowing that the crown was not for me to bear. That at the calvary, Jesus had bore that crown for my sake. And in all my wanderings, Jesus, You came and rescued me.

As I was walking alone on the beach with my Lord
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life
For each scene, I notices two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
at the lowest and saddest time,
there was only a set of footprint.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
” Lord, You said once I decided to follow You,
You would walked with me all the way.
But I noticed that during my saddest and most troubled times,
there was only one set of footprints.”

I don’t understand why,
when I needed You the most,
You would leave me.

He whispered, ” My Precious Child,
I love you and will never leave you.
Never ever during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one footprint,
It was then that I carried you.”

The weight of the crown He bore for my sake, was more than what my heart could ever comprehend. Out of His hands, into my heart. He gave me the world, and helped me saw life beyond my death. I have longed stop searching and looking for worldly possessions, and saw what the world could give me. I turned my eyes on to Christ, and all the calvary, He said I was enough, I was worth His love. The crown I wore in the past, was of glory and fame of the world. Yet, the crown I choose to bear now, was the crown of life.

The weight of this crown would somehow get heavier as I grown older. Yet, it is a crown that I would not trade for anything in this world. The crown of life symbolizes love, devotion and sacrifice. Of which, when I had nothing to offer, God gave it all to me. Now, when I am old enough, when God has placed this possessions back into my hands, I will lay it back at this altar of God, Christ Jesus. Placing my all, my life to serve the people whom I hold dearly.

As I was lost, people came and loved me. When I was jaded and broken, someone took the time to pieced me back with the love of God. And this is something I will always remain thankful for. The crown of life that was given to me, I will always safeguard it, to remember to bless, to love, and to protect. I don’t want to soar into the sky of this world, but to be in the realm of God’s world, with people I loved. I don’t want the vanity of the this world, the worldly possessions, but the richness and fullness of love from God, and for me to offer so freely to people.

And that’s enough for me.

The City of Colors, Bangkok.

Bangkok.

The land very well known for the riots that have been happening recently due to the elections. But my trip to Bangkok opened up my eyes wider. To me, this city was a City of Colors, a City of Vibrancy.

From the start of my trip to the end, I met up with so many people, made friends with so many people. This country has a way of making people feel so welcomed. The hotels in Bangkok, or rather The Grand Alphine hotel have one of the most friendly, warming staffs. Wherever we go, we were greeted with warm smiles. And that was something lacking in my own nation. The smiles of the people there, brightened up my day every single day. And if any nation should be sulking, it should be them, yet they lived their lives to the fullest, and not forgetting the cheapest form of happiness, SMILE.

There were a few particular incidents that really touched my heart. The first was meeting the man who cooked Tom Yum beside my hotel. He was the only guy cooking, with a business full of people, he ought to be very stress. Yet, he took it in his stride to sing, dance and entertain his customers while cooking the Tom Yum, and catering to all our needs. The second was the really friendly staff, who delayed her own going home time to help us with our phones. To be honest, it was really late. Yet they spared no effort and making sure that they have helped us before leaving. The third was sitting on tuktuk and talking to this really friendly man who broke into a genuine smile when we complimented him.

They told me Bangkok is dangerous, yet I beg to differ. I saw how it was possible to change the mood of someone by smiling, how warm they were in helping us and being friends with us. How someone would spared no effort to make sure they were helping us.

This is the City of Colors. Not in terms of physical needs. But the hearts of this people were colorful. It touched my heart. It did because I saw how genuine people could be, something I am pretty upset to say that it is missing in my own country. The people were always supporting and helping one another. They were so ready to lend a helping hand to the outsiders. This City, more than shopping and good food, was a city of Colors. A city that I will definitely go back too, for a longer stay. And perhaps one day, learn to cook from the guy who cooked Tom Yum. It is worth the visit.

Bangkok, you are the city of Colors, City of warm and vibrancy. Thank you for showing me that in the midst of making a living, its possible to be warm and full of vibrants. Thank you for showing me that a simple act of kindness is by smiling. Thank you for showing me that kindness and happiness is simply a smile.

Captivated by grace

Amazing grace, how sweet that sound.

Grace helps me to remember all the things that God has placed into my life. Grace helps me to see beyond all my circumstances and run towards God. Grace covers. Grace put in my heart the reason of thanksgiving every single day. Grace gives me peace. Grace captivates all of me.

The past 2 months on the bus, we started a thanksgiving box. It was a initiative started out purely because I wanted the kids to remember. I wanted them to remember the things that God has done in their lives. The things that God will continually do in all their lives. The prayer I had for the entire year.

If I cannot remember any of the breakthroughs in all of my life, then at least, I will always thank God and remember how He brought me out of the wilderness. And being in that constant state of thanksgiving had kept me going and moving forward. It takes away the many night of insomnia, and the many nights of self doubt.

Seeing how the kids write things as simple as thanking God for the bus, and for church itself has made me realize that life is simple and straightforward. Many times, we are the ones who over think, and overdo the things that we shouldn’t have, And its in this grace of God, I remember every single incidents that God has placed in my life.

And this thanksgiving has helped us to see through. Finally, on this weekend, we have actually upgraded to a new 40 seater bus. And because of this, I saw the harvest, and God faithfulness even more. I saw the promises of God, and His grace that was laid upon my life. I will believe in Him and in His grace more than before.

I am captivated by grace, and captivated by Him. And all my days, I will spend my life, staying in the conscious state of thanksgiving. What love is this that was given to me. So freely and so undeservingly. All my days, I will give Him praise.

Who am I?

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

The constant ringing question in my brain recently is if every battle we are facing, do we have to shout it out, tell the world about it, or make it known somehow or rather? And how much of our soul do we pour out to the people we shared it around with, to not be considered too much? 

Every trial, and every battle that was a wrecking ball inside my head, was only made known when it became too heavy of a burden to bear. When i withdraw myself towards the people around me, yet they managed to force me out of that hole. Writing is my comfort to every struggles that I faced.

I always felt alive in church, being the happiest, most child like of me that I could not be anywhere else. The big laughs, the funny jokes and the me that kept me alive, The moments in church helped me to forget every single weight of the problems that pile up on my shoulders every single day.

My identity helped me to remain strong in who I was in God. Even when things do not work out well, when I am struggling, I remembered what God has done in my life, living in that constant state of thankfulness, in knowing how He had changed my life in the past year. Who I am in private, and who I am in public has always been the same. It did not change, not even once.

My actions may not match my identity, yet every day, I have been forcing myself out of the comfort zone, to be who I was in Christ, to take my place for generation, to know that I can make a difference. And among all this, with the weight of every problems, that I commit to God, and challenging myself to take it slow and live trusting on God’s promises. And thats the maturity I had in my life, that others do not see.

I do struggle, and I am not senseless. I know what everyone expects. I see and I feel. Perhaps too deeply for everything. Not being able to scream it out my pain are one of the toughest thing. Not being to open up and share is somehow the struggles of my life too. Sometimes, I do wish I could scream out every worry that I have, but knowing everyone is facing a battle too, how could I still mindlessly placed my own trouble, my emotions on to others? How could I see this and still place the weight of my problems onto others. And how many times have people walked out on me, when I was struggling in the valley. How could I let myself see a friend walk out on me again?

The only thing that I could offer and provide was probably just putting my best out, offering and giving my best to others. Giving a little more, loving a little more. No matter what toll it has taken on me, the feeling of being depressed, I know it is something no one should feel. Giving is easy, because when I give, I remembered what God has given me. Sacrificing a little, and loving others more, always help me remember the goodness of my God.

And this is the only way I know how to love those who had love me. Who am I? I am not sure as well. But one thing I do know is that God loves me. And I am made in His image. That is enough for me.