The milestones in our lives helps us to remember the faithfulness of God. That in good times, we can rejoice with it, and in bad times, we will remember what God has brought us through.
And indeed, there is certain moments in my life that God has brought me through, and I will never forget the faithfulness of my King. When I can’t, I will remind myself of what has God brought me out of:
This was the time that I thought I would never see the light again. Where the darkness clouds over my life every single moment, and I lost sight of God. Lost sight of the moment that I do have a future. The same moment when I was struck down with low self esteem, thinking if I was ever enough. Yet God was faithful and true. He used me to see beyond the needs of myself when I begin to serve. And during my first visitation, I saw the needs of the rented house kids. It made me realize that I should do something more for them. And through this, I was out of depression.
- Anti social
I remember the times where I loved being alone so much, and never liked hanging out with anyone, and God has constantly placed people around me to love me, and believe in me. The usual close up me would have never opened up my life, but the people around me was patient enough to break down my walls. It taught me that loves come in two ways. That even though it has been a long journey, I am still thankful for the people who stayed through it all.
- Lack of confidence and low self esteem
Praying for others should be a blessing, not a hurdle. When I first joined HKz, even though I was in church for a while already, I always lacked the confidence to pray for others. I remember being so afraid that I refused to go up and pray for the kids when we were asked too. However, at the later part, I went forward with a step of faith, and prayed. And this act has actually led me forward to being able to pray again and again. And really through this, my life was never the same again. Whenever I think that it is hard, I remember the times where I took the first step.
- Making Promises
It gets really hard to believe in promises. The incident that I always remember vividly was that a friend telling me that we would go somewhere together. It was raining heavily, and she told me to wait for her under the rain. And I did. For the past few hours, because she said she would come. After 6hrs, she did not appear. And I received a text knowing that she decided not to come anymore because I was not worth it. In the end, I would never make a promise anymore. However, when growing up, I met people who kept their words, who really showed me what it meant to keep their words. Slowly, I trusted those words. Even though at times I do struggle with it, I have really learnt to trust people’s heart with all I could. And most importantly, God’s promises has never failed.
- Relationship Barriers
It is something that I still continue struggling a lot with. The surroundings that I grew up in was filled with divorce, break ups, cheating and unfaithfulness. Everyone was at each other throat, fighting for a worldly possession. I fear relationships. And I make it a point to close the door of my heart to anyone. Yet, God has slowly (and still in process) of putting so many wonderful couples in my life, to teach and show me what relationship is about. Even though I have yet to overcome this, I know someday I will.
These were but stumbling blocks in the past. What the devil had meant for evil, God has slowly turned it all around for my good. Through this barriers, I learnt to value people, and trust in Him more. I am just thankful that all this became the little milestones and remembrance in my life allowing me to remember that no matter what I am going through now, God can use it to turn my life around. That whatever happens, God knows.