One thing I am assured and thankful for is that, ” God don’t call the qualify, He qualifies the call.”
So while growing up, and still being a young Christian, I was filled with so much insecurities in my life. I always have negative thoughts about myself. The thoughts that usually fill me up was, “ Am I good enough?”, “Am I worthy enough?” and even “Did God really choose me?”. These thoughts eventually drowns me and became the stumbling block to my growth in the ministry.
Only God and my leader knows how many times over the past year, I have been saying the exact words, “I am scared”, ” I don’t want to do it” and “let me be invisible” whenever I was asked to do something out of my comfort zone. How many times it was easier to just run away, hide myself in the midst of the crowd, throw in the towel and simply ignore everything. It’s always easier to put the words in my mouth to say that I want to stand in that gap, and I want to do something great for God than actually doing it. 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in perfect love. But perfect love drives out fear. And I no longer want to fear anymore but trust in that perfect love. And only in His words that we are deeply rooted in this love. And the story of Moses is the perfect example of God qualifying the call.
When the Lord called Moses and appeared as fire in the bushes, and told Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, and be a leader to His people, Moses doubted himself. (Exodus 3:11, 4:10-11). Moses first doubted his identity in Christ and afterwards doubted His own ability. Yet, God promised to be with Him. God promised to walk with Moses to the promised land. God could have chosen Aaron who was more eloquent, yet He chose Moses. And from this, we can begin to know that God is the one who qualifies the call. If God has called us into the ministry, no matter what we think about ourselves shouldn’t have mattered, because only One matters.
In the later part of Exodus, Moses begin to rise up, and understood the principle of a willing heart, and full trust in God. Moses started to be who He was in Christ, established his identity in God with his willingness, and trusted God to use him even though he felt that he was not good enough. After that, we all know that God uses Moses to perform many signs and wonders as well as great miracles like parting of the red sea. God was with Moses through it all. God is never looking for a perfect vessel. He was looking for only one thing. The words that could bring us into the ministry and perform the same miracles for Him.
He is looking for a broken, yielded vessel with a willing heart to say,
” Here I am, Lord. Use me.”
This make me feel assured that I never have to be good enough, be a number one for God to use me. God can use me. Even though I am broken, jaded and hurt in so many ways, Jesus can still use me. He looks at my heart. And here is my heart, one that never stops beating Jesus. He qualifies the call. He can use an ordinary me, to serve an extraordinary God. 1 Corinthians 1:27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty.
Many times, when I was growing up, so many people has put doubts in my heart, telling me I am not good enough. And this words that were spoken too many times have led me to believe it. And slowly by slowly, I was drained off by my emotions of worthlessness. I started to grow and be afraid of stepping out. What if I fail again? I had given up on life three times, given up on myself and was flawed in many ways. I gave up on trying, and live in that resentment. So many people have walked out of my life when I failed, or was not at my best. And such thoughts do haunt me as it still does.
But this few weeks have made me realize that its time to believe in myself. That I could believe in the dreams and visions God has placed in my heart, to be a leader and serve the kids. That at the altar, I once saw myself preaching to a group of kids with emotional needs, and through my experiences, and testimony, many of them encountered God in ways I could never comprehend.
And I was affirmed that deep in my heart now, that God has called me. He could use Moses, who felt inferior to the call, but stood up with his willing heart that says, ” Here I am.” and placed people around to support him, then God could use me too. The simple words that my leader sent to me, ” I believe in you” would have taken me further than where I was to bring glory to my King. It spoke more than just words but affirmations that was poured out into supporting my dreams and visions. I am thankful.
I pray Lord, that as I rise up to my call for Your glory, use me. Use me as You can for our kingdom cause. I place my dreams and visions into Your hands, knowing well that it is done in Your name. That You alone could have called me. You qualified the call. You chose me. You saw me. You heard my cries and picked me out from the wilderness. Let my life pour out the sweetest offering into Your hands. That I may be lacking, but I am made perfect in You. Thank You Jesus. Amen.