2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are hard pressed on every side yet not crushed. Perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.
It’s been 2 months of walking on in this journey. Those things that I did not believed will happen, all came to pass one by one. There’s so much surrealism in this journey that I am walking on. Knowing that everyday, it is only by His grace and love that I could carry on.Things felt too peaceful for a while, and the harder pressures started kicking in. The decision got harder, to stay or to go? To continue this journey or give it up now. Every part of me is crying out to give up. But Your still small voice surrounds me.
‘Step out’, You said. You said to trust You. And lean on to You and not my own understanding. And I have done what You told me too. I stepped out, cast my burdens on You. I found myself renewed in Your grace. That he may have left me, but there are a thousand more people who have love me more for who I was than he did. And they were there for me when he was not. I settled into Your presence. All the suppressed worthlessness and insecurities, You removed it. My guilt, my shame, my hurt and my pain, You removed it all bit by bit. Placing people who edify me, encourages me, and love me into this realm. That when I needed a hug, I know who I could look for.
The comfort You brought surpasses all the peace I need. When I stood there today, at the outer court, all I longed for was to be back close to You. I was sorry, for all the things that I relied back on my strength. And I moved back into the tabernacle, closer to You, with all the comfort You gave and cried the most I could in this past week. Knowing that Jesus, You are my strength, and the only comfort I need.
I will fight and not back down, because if You are with me, then who can ever be against me?