A reminder of God’s love, as He writes on my heart again.
As a 10yo little girl, I first heard of this man named Jesus through a tuition teacher. And somehow from that moment on, even without knowing Jesus, I wrote my little dream on the surface of my heart, that when I grow up, I want to be a missionary. I want to do something different, and not just grow up and get married. I want to shed some love into this world. But somehow all the downturns of my life came on, and I met with Christ. And today, the answer dawned on me.
” We cannot give until we are broken”.
I did not know what impact it would have left on me, or what God would imprint in my heart with that one statement, but God must have heard my desires back then. And unless God have chosen me, I will never be able to end up where I was supposed to be. I always questioned God why do I have to go through all the nonsense in my life, and I never heard the answer. But the peace that settled in my heart recently helped me to realize, when I was lost, He is in control. To get me to the dream and desire that I wrote down, God must have been busy, putting me through the trials that I have been through. God must have tried calling me out to Him, but I was too busy searching for an answer in my own strength. To be able to give, I need to be broken.
I can only…
- give love when I know what it is like to live without love
- give hope when I know what it is like in hopelessness
- give light when I know what its like to be in darkness
If I have never been where I was, I would have never experience the tangible love of God flowing through my life. I would have never known how important it is bringing the joy of God into the life of other people. Yet at the same time, all this convinced me of what an infinite God can do through a finite me. I never want to take for granted all the way He broke me, so I could know Him more. When I set out my life to be in a pursuit of Him, I let go of all my worldly needs, and went on a whole course to pursue Him. And God, unless You are with me, I do not want to be there. Nothing in this world could take away Your hand on my heart.
After 13 years, I know the time is soon. For this dream to bear forth the food that was due. And Lord, mould me, like I was since I was a 10year old girl.