2017, soaring w J.

In every season, You are still God

In 2014 (1st year), I wanted to learn to love myself, accept myself, and believe that God is still not done in my life.

In 2015 (2nd year), I wanted to learn to trust others, stand with others and fight with others.

In 2016 (3rd year), I wanted God’s love to manifest out of my life, into the life of others.

In 2017 (4th year), I wanted to recognize the seasons in life, and know clearly i was born for a time such as this.

“4” speaks of creation, separation of night and day, and marking off the seasons. 

And, “Seasons” in the hebrew is “Moed” which meant “appointed times”.

In Psalms 107, “oh, and that men would give thanks to the Lord for His grace”, has this verse appearing 4 times, after 4 different seasons. The garden of Eden has a river that parted into 4 other rivers which represents 4 different seasons. (Genesis 2:10-14).

This 2017 will be my forth year in church, committing my whole life to God, and set in a whole pursuit of Him. And amazingly, I was reading the book of Esther, and having some deep revelations of her life in the story. And the interesting thing that got to me in this morning devotion, was the fact of what the number “4” meant in the bible.The 4 witnesses of God on earth are miracles, wonders, signs and gift of the Holy Spirit. (Hebrews 2:4) and 4 gospel accounts of Jesus’s life ministry, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John has gone through 4 different seasons that has a unique aspect of sacrifice and ministry.

The number 17 meant – overcoming the enemy and complete victory.

1 Corinthians 13:13, has 17th mentioned of the word love. And in that verse, it wrote, “the greatest of this is love” and by this love it meant in John 3:16, God’s agape and sacrificial love that have overcome the evil with goodness.

True Christians, however, will gain the ultimate victory over God’s adversaries when he resurrects them back to life (Revelation 15:2; 20:4). One of the major themes of the Day of Atonement, which occurs in the seventh Hebrew month on the tenth day, is the binding of Satan (see Revelation 20). Thus, 10 plus 7 equal the number 17, which testifies to Christ’s perfect overcoming of Satan.

In Romans 8:35 the apostle Paul asks a simple question which is “What shall separate us from the love of Christ?” . He extends his question a little more by asking if the following seven things could separate us, which are tribulation, persecution, distress, nakedness, famine, the sword or any other danger. He then tells us ten things that CANNOT get between our God and us, which are life, death, principalities, powers, angels, things present or to come, depth, height or anything created. Thus we have 7 + 10 = 17, representing a Christian’s perfect and eternal standing with God through Christ.

Could it be, that God have appointed me in this season to overcome the devil, through my standing with Christ? 2017, I am looking forward to soar with God. Looking forward to go on missions in the Philippines, more moments of standing in the gap between the living and the dead. To grow in capacity and understanding of Christ.

My life as a sacrifice.

” Not my will, but Yours be done”.

As often as it seems that I write about my dreams and visions, there was a price that I had to pay for sustaining my dreams. Everyone else has different dreams, and as often as it seems, my own dreams scare me. Not in a way that would intimidate me, but in a way of having put down by others around me. Whether it was people I love, or the disappointments I left for forsaking the dreams that had been planned out by my leaders. Yet, through it all, my prayer to God each and every time, is as simple as telling Him that I want to be used by Him. And above all else, not my will, but His be done. And clearly I know, that each time the unsettlement in my heart has already told me that this is not from God. 

Before coming to bible school, I held on steadfast to my dreams of serving in Children Church. I hanged on thinking that this is the desires I have in me to go full time. I love children church, it helped me found who I am, and what I was called to do. Yet the desires of my heart was not to stay here. I’ve been running and holding, applauding with the vision of this church, yet my heart did not find the peace that I needed, it did not resonate. And sometimes, it scares me to be different from my peers. So I shove it away. Yet in this 5 months here, God has revealed, again and again that maybe, just maybe this isn’t my call. What if God has already set me apart right from the beginning. What if I was called to be different. And what made it harder at times was knowing that perhaps this journey might be a long, lonesome journey. A journey that I have to fight alone.

But neither silver nor gold, nor any worldly goods could keep me away from His hands and His grace, nothing in this world could satisfy my longing to be near to Him, searching for Him that even though I know the path ahead may be hard, but God will sustain me, and He will be enough for me. Being broken and broken over again to know that through it all, His love is the one that matters to me. While walking through the dark surrounded with noises, there was that one voice that I was searching for. And there and there, You came and spoke to me, in a way that I’ve never known. You knocked on my heart, calling out to me, to listen to You and not get moved away. Your presence flood my heart in this darkness, and I, I could hardly speak. How am I worthy to feel Your love in such a manner. 

I became cautious with my heart, and even the dreams You have placed in me. Waiting on the one thing that matters. No matter how much I wanted to fall in love, the barricades to this was the dream that You have placed in me. I’m not willing to trade my dreams from You for a relationship that cannot be sustained. So, while searching for the dream, working and running towards it, I can only trust, trust that through it all, You will send someone who run the same vision with me, to be at least the support I need. Someone who doesn’t play games with me, but the simple hearted man who loves God, and loves people. And till then, my heart will never be ready to accept anyone in.

Someone asked me this over the week, about why am I feeling less about myself than I should have. And why am I questioning if I am doing enough. This answer was not an answer that I could have given so  easily. Loving others and running their vision with them may be easy, but it’s a conscious effort and decision every day that I have to choose love. Even when it is hard, and almost to the point of impossible, I prayed for capacity. Not so as to please man, but if to love is to see the face of God, then how can in love anything less than my best. The way Jesus chose love, was to be big hearted. And Jesus loves people, and if I want to be close to Jesus, I have to love people. And anything less than my best would not have been enough to please my King. A price or sacrifice that I am willing to pay over and over again by lowering myself in front of Christ, on those blended knees, being a fool for Him, and just loving His people and be vulnerable to others. It’s never that I feel lowly or not confident, but if being on top of man, makes me unable to serve them fully, then Lord, help me to be on blended knees again and again to serve Your people. I would have chose to bear this cross over again, just to be close to Him. 

I live my life deemed not worthy enough to serve my King. But again, how is it that my King would still choose to die for one of me, that He would lay Himself down for a me that is not capable enough. But if You can and You will, then use me. Use me, so that I owe no one anything but love, and let Your love manifest through my life to others around. This cross that I bear is worth it in exchange to the the infinite value of my King. A finite me, used by the most infinite King. My life is a constant daily pursuit of pressing deeper into Your word, and Your love. And again and again, break me, and keep breaking me. Elevate me only when I am deemed worthy to be used by You. 

Building dreams.

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

I have always thought of doing great things for God. Going from glory to glory, strength to strength. Yet in the midst of all this, I learnt that sometimes being patient and faithful in the little things are where our true strength is. And going back to the basics of the doing what we love, and adoring our Savior.

Going back to the basic of loving God, His words, praying and just worshipping and adoring Him. Back to those days when we were so excited to serve God, and we would arrive 20 mins earlier, to pray and keep the spirit up, all ready to give our best to God and bring forth the sweetest aroma of worship to our King.

In 2016, I will slowly build up this momentum of doing this small things, going back to the basics of loving my King. Not letting busyness overtake my life, and not letting the surrounding affect my worship to God. Its easy to forget when things become a mundane routine, when things get too overwhelming, and when we forget the purpose of why we do the things we do. And I resolute in my heart to spend the first 3 months of going back to the basics, and be faithful to the little things.

Difference Maker

And at the back of my mind, I am incubating 2 little plans called ‘Difference Maker’ to love the children a little more and be a blessing to my community. I am excited to share the plans in my head.

  1. Bring warmth and love.

    I think when I was younger, I have always loved a warmth family dinner on a Christmas and those reunion dinner on Chinese New Year. Its where family gather together and put aside all the differences to just be together.

    And with that, probably with the help of my boss, I am going to look for children that are from under privilege, single parent family, lower income family and get people to open up their homes and bless this little ones, to deliver a little festive warmth to them.

  2. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish, and you feed the whole community.

    I think education is the quickest way out of poverty. Sometimes, its hard to get the children to come to church and head to tuition afterwards. People don’t really care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

    I guess to me, being able to show out loud your love without any much consideration was not an issue, but delivering the process work to keep on, keeping on. And this little care of heading back to my community to love this kids, meeting their needs, giving tuition and letting them know the importance of their future.