Where I’ve survived.

My sins would have drive the nails in You. That rugged cross was my cross too. Yet, You still called me beautiful.

7 weeks in an entire foreign land, in New York City, has been nerve wrecking, filled with anxiety and fear, yet each day, I still feel like I am walking in a dream that God placed in my heart as a young girl. The dream to love and serve children who are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed, perplexed but not in despair. How amazing that appearances, or the way we dress does not matter as much than the lives I get to touched, little by little.

They told me that Disneyland is a place where dreams come true, the place where you live happily ever after. Yes, I am really happy, but I’ve come to realize that there’s something that give me a joy that this world can’t satisfy, being in Metro World Child. Walking in this dream is one filled with tears, self hatred, and being not good enough, yet at the same time, just a single smile from them, could have changed my life. When you learn to see beyond your own needs, and meet the needs of others.

Here, it’s when I have to say goodbye to my fear and insecurities, and believed that I was chosen for a time such as this. Here, it’s where I have to remove the words,” I’ve survived”, because the struggles I go through, hard as it may seems, could not be compared to the ones I have seen. The city where they don’t know when their next shower would be, when will be the last time they smile. Here, it’s when I realized despite my sad childhood, at least I know when my next meal would be. And it’s in this place where I realized that this children had a scarier childhood than I’ve had.

Break my heart for what break Yours, became one of the scariest prayer that one could pray. There’s too many things that break my heart in this city. And in seeing the desperate needs of this kid, my heart was compelled. Every single tear they cried, became so precious to God and to me. They did nothing wrong to deserve to be where they are. And if I have so much, why can’t I give it to those who have so little. Each day, I learnt to see each one I meet as someone made from the image of God and in His likeness.

Love is seeing the darkness in someone yet denying the impulse to jump ship. And my prayer is that I will use God’s love to manifest out of my life, to love and embrace every single person that I will meet. To love faithfully, fearlessly and boldly. Because all that I have, words could not be enough to comprehend.


So, why give? (John 6:8-14)

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
Jim Elliot

The usual questions that I hear a lot more that usual is, “why give? You always overstretch yourself. You are so silly”. Giving always require a part of me and a sacrifice that I was willing to pay the price for. It is not always easy and convenient to give. Perhaps, the reason of giving was not the value it is in, but the heart behind it.

I don’t always have a lot to give. There’s a part of me that need my own introvert time, and the part of me that was willing to stop my own luxury needs so I could give to the people around me, to deliver the love and much needed care and timely concern. To look beyond myself and bless the people around me. 

Perhaps, its the surrounding I grew up with. Having seen and heard too much. That possessions could make us happy, yet all I saw was fights and people going through turmoils of having too much. Its a necessity that we need money, yet not in a way that it could crush our happiness. Jim Elliot does it the best when he laid his life down at the foot of the cross, giving all he had to the people who need God.

The bible story of John 6:8-14 draws the most simplest illustration of what miracles our King could do with our little giving. That, as we surrender our all for the community, God would in turn use it in a bigger way to bless the people around us. Apart from the miracle that Jesus performed, it was the heart of the little boy that our attention should be on. He wanted to give what he had to feed the people, and surely he trusted in God enough to know that Jesus would have taken care of him as well. What he have was limited, but as he offer it up on the altar, he fed the entire community, and filled the heart of people. And through this miracle that many more came to know Christ the King.

He had a heart of wanting to bless the people.

 I saw this sentence on the card that I received on Christmas, ” Every setbacks in life teaches us to appreciate things more, and in turn show forth that sincere appreciation in such simple yet impactful ways.” Perhaps it was not really an easy journey while growing up, but all this taught me to love and appreciate what I have in my hands, and trust Him with what I do not have. That every heart and reason of giving was compelled by the simple fact that I do know what is felt like feeling empty, feeling worthless, and thinking that I had enough with my life. 
That at the age of 21, when I almost gave up on my life, Jesus came and saved me. And knowing that no one should ever feel like they were not enough, inferior and worthless, it compelled my heart to want to give more to the broken society, trusting that God will use what little I have to multiply it and bless the people around me. That His love will continue to manifest out of my life to the people around me.
So, why give even when you are tired or are barely surviving? I do not know as well. But I do know that my society needs Jesus, just like how I need my King. Like the boy with childlike faith of knowing and trusting Our king, I want to do the same too. Giving helps me to see beyond my own needs. Jesus is faithful. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.
I pray that as I begin to go through this year, I will remember the faithfulness of my Lord, have that child like faith to believe that God will use a broken and yielded vessel to bring out His love and manifest into the people around me. To bring and deliver out His love to a broken generation. To love is to see the face of God. So Lord, open my eyes by faith, to the wounded, to the hurt, to the needy and let Your love pour out so freely from my life and help me be a blessing to the people You loved and willingly send down Your Son to die for. Let me be patient with the people and expand the capacity in my heart and in my giving. Amen.

Stay faithful. (Matthew 25:14-30)

Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30)

The story: This was the parables that spoke of a Master entrusting his servant with the talents before he went away. He gave five, two and one to each of the servant respectively. And when he got back, he entrusted the servants who were faithful to the talents they have with greater things. 

It was like how God placed those talents in each and every of His children. And the fact that God has placed this talent in each and everyone of us, meant that God has already know that we have the ability to multiply these talents.

In the story, the first servant took the five talent and multiply it and had ten talents in the end. The master was well pleased that he was faithful to the small things that was given to him and entrusted him with greater things (Matthew 25:19-21). The second servant took the two talents that were entrusted to him, and multiply it and had four talents. The master was well pleased that he was faithful to the small things that was given to him and entrusted him with greater things (Matthew 25:22-23). However, the third servant was afraid to use his talent and hid it. The master was furious with him. And his master took away the talent from him (Matthew 25:24-28).

This parable taught of two simple truths:

(1) Staying faithful to what God has entrusted us with.

Whether it was five, two or one talent, God has placed it in our hands knowing that when we stay faithful in doing what we do, with that little we have, he will entrust us with greater things.

(2) Never be afraid to use your talent. 

As I was reading through this, I realize that the master would not have been as furious if the third servant tried to multiply the talents and failed. He was furious that the servant hid his talent away. God has placed that talent in us and He would be furious if we hide it away instead of using it. God wants us to use our talent to glorify His name.

The Father’s heart was knowing that indeed His child is capable of being faithful to the things that they were entrusted too. And using the talent in us to lift Him higher.

Lord, I pray that as I lift up my thoughts to You, help me to stay faithful to the little things that were entrusted to me, so that it could bring glory to Your name. Help me to not be afraid to use the talents that you place in my hands, but only believe.